Sunday, January 27, 2013

Winter blahs


I have the winter blahs...or maybe the I just turned 46 and am unemployed blahs...

I don't have a good reason to be depressed--I just am. I am fortunate in many ways--we have a little savings, a cozy little house, the hubbs has job security, we don't know hunger and mostly are in good health...Am I just whining and feeling sorry for myself?

I am still getting up to go to school but that is about it. No socializing, my house is a wreck, and I have no motivation.  All I want to do is sleep. In the last month I have found myself close to tears for absolutely no good reason, especially since I am not a crying kind of gal...

I need to make repairs from the destructive puppy--eating my office chair, my curtains, chewing the corner of my step and peeling slivers of wood from the floor--not kidding! And no he was not harmed after doing all this--good thing he is so cute. And btw--he ate my Kohl's credit card so I couldn't even do therapy shopping!



I need to go buy the supplies for the dining room flooring update--plywood, adhesive and linoleum. I am worried if I spend the money these items will just sit in garage with all the other unfinished projects.

You see it isn't just me. The hubbs is worn out as well. Maybe we need a nice vacation. Someplace not cold, gray and dreary. We talk about it...ALOT... but then like so many other things in life it languishes and is quietly pushed to the recesses of our minds.

We are practical people. We think about who will take care of the animals, how all that money could be spent on the house or stay in safely in savings and let the spark of spontaneity wither. 

It is a vicious  cycle of broken  dreams, high hopes, and  indecision.

Is it just me? Is it the events of the past year finally catching up with me--the loss of my job--my identity and and my father dying-perhaps? Is it SAD-Seasonal Affective Disorder? Is it something worse? 

Typically I pick myself up by my bootstraps, give myself a stern talking to and soldier on. I am embarrassed for writing this and and have thought more times than I can count about deleting the post. But maybe the first step is to say it out loud and ask for help. Or at the very least acknowledge things aren't normal...

Are any of my bloggy friends out in bloggyland sad? Overwhelmed? Lonely? Struggling?  Because if you are--I know what you are going through. Maybe we can get though it together.

Thanks for letting me vent spill my guts.





12 comments:

  1. Know that you are NOT alone. I feel the same way. The feelings ebb and flow depending on the day. I was "up" yesterday and "down" today. I really do believe the weather affects our moods. Yesterday was bright and sunny and so was my mood. Today is gloomy and so is my mood. I don't want to clean house, do laundry and clean out cabinets even though I know it needs to be done. I want to sit on the couch underneath a blanket and watch a movie or sleep. I need something fun to look forward to.

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    1. Vicki I wished we lived closer then we could sit on the couch together and watch movies after we helped each other clean ;)

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  2. Oh Honey, it is probably all of the above. It sounds like you have had a craptastic year. Any one of those delivers a major blow and then pile them all together and you are actually doing amazingly well given the circumstances. Why is that we seem to have to feel guilty for not being superwoman? Too bad I do not live close because I would come over and clean your house and take care of the animals and babysit psycho dog for you so you could have a break. Maybe you could swing a weekend getaway, sit around the pool, drink bloody Mary's or margaritas or whatever, and pretend you were somewhere tropical. Hugs to you.

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    1. Thanks Old Mama--bless your heart--that made me cry--but for a good reason :) Just knowing there are people who care makes a world of difference!

      I do think a weekend or honestly even a single day away from this environment woud do both me and the hubbs a world of good. The more I think about it a day trip would allow us to not feel guilty about the animals or spending money.

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  3. Tonya,

    I sincerely hope you feel better soon. I agree w/ Old Mama, maybe just get away for the weekend. Leave early on Saturday morning & come home Sunday afternoon

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    1. Thanks DFW--I need to do something. I don't just want to throw a pill at this. Maybe talking about "stuff" and a getaway will cure what ails me...

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  4. Hi Tonya - hope you are feeling better today. You have been through a lot and need to cut yourself a break - try and pamper yourself here and there. A bubble bath, some deep breathing and maybe a spritzer at night will help everything. You are riding out the wave of life and had some bumpy spots. Also know - as I am about the same age as you - I speak from experience - I think we might be perimenopausal and EVERYTHING brings us down. Don't let IT win - get yourself going, keep busy and get that "purpose" going again. I know you will feel back to your old self again - Take care!

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    1. Thank you Farmer's Wife! I am feeling somewhat better. Not "normal" though. I have been making myself get up, take a shower, get dressed and force myself to leave the house the last few days. That seems to help. I am post menopausal (I had a hysterectomy in 2001, so no crazy hormones for me, haha

      I have also gone back to my daily affirmations. Maybe if I say it long enough I will believe it, right? Thank you so much for you concern and stopping by my blog! :)

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  5. Hi, Tonya

    I just wondered how you were doing today. Hope the sun is shining on you!

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    1. You are so sweet to check in on me! I am feeling better, thank you. Yesterday the hubbs stayed home and we worked around the house. I am not sleeping as much the last couple of days so the house is clean and I don't feel as overwhelmed. I am making progress. Yesterday I actualy felt normal. Fingers crossed I am coming out of my slump!

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  6. Been feeling this way, too. Overwhelmed by it all. Today is a snow day and I do not have to leave the house. Hoping accomplishing something will take away the blahs. Hang in there!

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    1. Thanks Sarah! I am hanging in there (although some days it seems by a thread). I have been making myself get up and do things which is helping. I have a Dr. appt tomorrow for some bloodwork (needles- yuck!)then me and the Doc are gonna have a nice long chat. Well as long as I can keep him in the room before he dashes to another patient. I am keeping a positive outlook that things will get better.

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