The one where I nearly scare myself to death...

It was a mistake to venture outside only partially awake and without my glasses. But 3 dogs and 1 cat were quite persistent they needed to heed nature's call. I flung on a coat, slipped on boots and fumbled around for leashes. I allowed myself to be pulled by the dogs to the backyard. I managed to hook them to their tie out cables after only a few episodes of dropping the lines into the muddy-melting snow muck accompanied by some well deserved curse words.

As I am standing (really more like half asleep swaying) waiting for them to finish, something in my blurry line of vision catches my attention. Panic sets in and I begin screeching like a banshee. There is a huge hulking dude wearing  blue coveralls by the garage skulking  around. As I take off hauling ass to the house (sorry it is everyone woman and animal for themselves), I simultaneously realize several things...

1. The dogs are definitely not barking
2. No one is giving chase
3. Maybe...just maybe... I didn't see what I thought I had seen...After all it could have been my neighbor, right? Except he isn't huge and hulky...

So after a short respite-- where my legs no longer felt like jello, the cold stab of fear receded from my stomach and  I was no longer sucking wind--I found my glasses and ventured back outside to take a look. I was feeling fierce as I had my cellphone with 911 dialed in and  waiting for me to press send.

I cautiously creep around the back of the garage, my heart hammering so loudly it has to be audible to the psycho, lurking mccreepster in the back yard. On my way I pick up a metal shepherds hook. Armed and I ready I leap around the garage with a fierce "A-HA"!

Except nothing is there. Ok well nobody is there but there is a something. It turns out my gut wrenching panic attributed to a murderous maniac  lurking in my yard,  was merely my blurred myopic mistake . What exactly did I see?..the wood rack. Covered in a blue tarp. Oh yes, it is true...I am certifiable.

THIS. This is what nearly made me pee my pants from fear...So yeah...

This is what happens when a woman --who is half blind, has an overactive imagination (fueled by a late night reading of a murder mystery book) and on some days  may be of questionable sanity-- is left to her own devices. Don't say you weren't warned...