We are more redneck than I care to admit

Now I know y'all are asking why I would make a statement like that.

You see my washer broke on me Thursday--which is no surprise because it has been acting up for months. The drain sensor switch thingy wouldn't engage automatically and you would have to go in and push down on the lid of the washer. Ok sometimes you had to slam it real hard. Or maybe it was just me slamming it real hard.

Then it happened. The washer stopped. Filled with dirty  water and load of my hubby's work clothes. Which are always delightful to try and clean. Considering you never know one day from the next if he is digging ditches, painting or crawling around in the trash of an industrial garbage compacter. Um yeah...

So I pioneer roughed it and pull the clothes out (without even wearing gloves), wrung them out and waited for the hubbs to give the washer once over. And the entire time I am daydreaming of my fantasy laundry room. All shiny and new. With fancy schmancy appliances. And not in the same room with the toilet. 

You know-something like this...

Well he said could rig it. Um yes because that is a phrase that makes me comfortable. Especially on equipment that involves lots of water. And electricity. He explained to me what was wrong. All I heard was "blah, blah, sensor, blah, blah, wire, blah, blah, by-pass, self tapping screw, blah, blah, will work just fine, blah, blah. "   

Which actually translated to "Sucka! You don't get that shiny new washer and dryer now" ...Thanks. Thanks a lot.

He did his best to reassure me it would be fine. You won't even be able to tell he says.

REALLY?! Do YOU notice anything?

Although maybe we are not completely redneck because at least there isn't any Duck tape...

And the really crappy part? It REALLY does work just fine...DAMN IT!

Time is fleeting

The last several weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. I received a call that my biological father is stage 4 lung cancer. It is a grim prognosis. He has been given 3 to 6 months to live. As my stepmother told me this admist the tears and breaking voice, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I was immediately overwhelmed with a plethora of emotions. Shock, anger, disbelief, and sadness. My heart is so burdened.

You see-- my parents divorced when I was 5. My dad  remarried and had 3 boys. Due to geography (they lived in Florida for a short time) and life,  I really didn't get much time with my dad, step-mom and brothers. Everything was always so busy. Life was moving at an accelerated pace and their never seemed to be time to foster a relationship. To reconnect. To talk. To laugh. To share stories. To make memories.

Me- the Christmas  (1971) before parents divorced 

I always believed we would have time to do all these things. And that phone call changed everything. And if losing my dad isn't hard enough, my mom is also very poor health. It is a difficult realization to know this is the year that I could lose both parents. It doesn't matter that I am 45--I still want  my mommy and daddy!

My mom preggers with me (1966). This also explains my love of dogs, haha

Me and my dad (1984)

Life is fragile and time is fleeting. Someday all you are left with is faded memories and tattered photos. Whatever hurts you are hanging on to, let them go. Someday arrives sooner than expected and you may  never get another chance to make amends, to make memories, and to learn your history.  A life filled with regrets is not a life.

And regrets? Yeah, I have them. I am sorry that I didn't make a better effort to know my dad. I'm sorry that I was angry at BOTH my mom and dad for things I obviously had no control over and not understanding the intrinsicies of their failed relationship. I am sorry I didn't get to know my brothers. I am sorry I didn't ask the questions for which I long to have answers. I am sorry I don't know my history.  I am sorry I felt like I didn't belong or fit in. 

So what have I learned from this painful wallop life has given me? My foolish pride, my anger, and my insecurities robbed me of something I can't replace....time. That I can't change my past but I can change my future. Let go of the hurt. Reach out. Apologize. Forgive. Accept. 


Today I took those tentative steps.  I met up with my dad, my step-mom and my 3 brothers for the first time in nearly 12 years.  It was a bittersweet reunion. I took some pictures (which I am not ready to share). I listened to the stories. I hung onto every every word, committing it to memory, along with the raspy gravelly sound of my dad's voice. 


I made myself hold it in and not cry...at least until I began the hour drive home. I am sure there are more tears to come. I just hope somewhere during this journey I find the answers that I seek. That I find the way back to my parents. That I find myself. And that I find the clarity to sharpen the hazy memories in my mind and next to those are new memories. Good memories. Filled with laughter. And always love.

Monsoon Muck

I am sure it wasn't really a monsoon but we had a helluva storm blow through again today. Straight line winds at 65 miles per hour, rain so hard it was a water wall and blowing sideways. Not to mention there is debris EVERYWHERE! Garbage cans are rolling in the streets, tree limbs are down, our swing toppled over, water was overflowing from my pool, and my decorative windmill was tossed 5 feet from where it normally sits in the front flower bed (the stakes were ripped up  as well).

And my garden...ugh!  Everything is toppled over. The tomato cages bent and twisted like bad sculpture. Lots of tomatoes are off the the vine. So I shoved my fat calves into some muck-lucks, braved the mud pit of a garden to attempt to salvage what I could and get an up close and personal look at the damage.

I didn't take my camera back with me in fear I would fall and drop it. Then it (and possibly me) would get sucked under like the Le Brea tar pits. No thanks!

I may lose a couple tomato plants and possibly 1 pepper plant,but hopefully everything else will survive and upright itself. Otherwise we can combine harvesting with a crazy game of twister, haha.

Gardening is never easy (at least for me) but is sure is worth all the trials and tribulations.