Wednesday, March 7, 2012

They're plotting against me...

I just know it! I am not paranoid! (Ok -well, I am just not this time! This time it is for real-sies). In case you don't know what in the hay I am talking about. Nature is against me. Specifically those vile little vermin---MICE!!!
OMG! I am having a mice pandemic  epidemic! Maybe not quite an epidemic. But enough for me to freak out!! Not sure if you remember me ranting about the dang Christmas mouse issue? Yeah well guess what? The little SOB's have militarized and invaded my house.

Here is the excerpt I posted on my Facebook status the other night--

I am sitting in chair listening to my cat, Calamity Sam rampage through the house. Man-- he is really tearing up his toy catnip mouse! Mind you I am only watching him with peripheral vision. He comes tearing into the living room tossing and batting at his toy mouse. I laugh until the *TOY* mouse squeaks and CLIMBS up my drapery!!!!!! SONOFA@#$%^ it is a real FREAKING MOUSE!!!! AARRRGGGGG!!!

Um yeah. It CLIMBED up my drape!!! I about had a heart attack on the spot.  What's worse is it launched itself off the curtain. Chaos ensued as follows: My wussie dogs jumped up on the couch, I screamed bloody murder and the cat tore through the living room trying to get the mouse. Sam-sam did manage to run the mouse out of the living room but lost it somewhere in my dining room. GREEEAAATTTTTT!

After a very crappy night's sleep because I am all twitchy and paranoid of the mouse in my house, I finally begin to settle down and think it will be ok. I know what your are thinking. Really-I do. Mind reading happens to be one of my many talents.You're thinking "it is just a mouse and you live in a 131 yr old farmhouse. I should just deal with it... " As I was saying writing, I thought I was ok... Until the bathroom incident. 

I was in my downstairs bathroom/ laundry room (it's not ideal --don't judge) folding laundry when I kept hearing some weird noise. I stopped folding laundry, turned off the dryer and listened intently. OMG it sounds like chewing! In MY walls!  So of course I freak out , holler for my hubbs --who tells me I'm freaking out--REALLY?! and then he is running his mouth saying he doesn't hear anything. That is because he WON'T shut-up! So I put my hand over his mouth--Not enough to cut off his air supply and smother him--yet and motion for him to listen.
Yup he's fast learner he is...We both go and beat on the tub surround and chewing stops momentarily. But then just to mock me and let me know they have the upper hand, paw foot? the chewing resumes. So the hubbs trudges to the dungeon, cellar, basement, flashlight in hand. He hollers up to tell me he doesn't see anything. GAHHHH. So like a mad woman I begin beating the hell out of the bathtub surround. I am pretty sure I could have taken out Mike Tyson at this point ANNND there may have been a round house kick included in my beat down. 

I turn around (breathing heavy- maybe sweating a bit-because that was a work out) to find my hubbs staring at me. With his mouth hanging open. You would think after 23 years together he would recognize psycho when he sees it..  I practically snarl, "WHAT?!" He merely shakes his head and backs out of the bathroom. Smart man! Hey--the good news the chewing stopped.  The bad news--I may have cracked the tub surround.

After yet another night of of restless sleep because I had nightmares of mouse swarms...bleh. Sitting at the laptop this morning finishing this post, drinking my tea and feeling good about the day...then I hear the all to familiar squeak and Calamity Sam Rampage.  This whole cat and mouse thing is over rated. He's a cat. They are mice. How hard is it for him to catch them. He has claws and teeth. I think SamSam might be a double agent. I am not sure if he is on the look out or conspiring with the enemy here...

Taking a cue from Carl Spackler (that's a Caddyshack reference for y'all--quite possibly one of the best Bill Murray movies--EVER!)
"So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower.  And that is all she wrote"

 stardate 3/09/12--Linking up to 

This post didn't stink Per se. I had decent traffic and lots of comments but dealing with vermin stinks!


  1. Ha! Ha! Ha! Of course this is only funny because it didn't happen to me. I really hope your new tub surround is okay.

    I have a mouse story, too. This happened when my husband and I lived in a townhouse before we became parents. One day after I got home from work, I saw a field mouse run into our garage. I backed out my van and saw the varmint. I slowly walked back into the garage, reached for the first thing I could use to whack it (which happened to be my husband's fly rod), and launched it into the driveway. I think I gave it a heart attack because it died in my driveway. Served the critter right. It should've stayed in a field. Unfortunately, another one invaded, but it soon met the mouse trap. I'll save my squirrel in the basement story for later.

    1. Hey Vicki! Fortunately it is the tub surround downstairs and that bathroom has yet to be renovated. I am heading over to Lowes for traps, bait and expandable foam. They will perish!!

  2. I just about spit water all over my monitor. That was funny. Sorry about your mouse invasion by hundreds of little mice nesting in all the nooks and crannies of your house, er, I mean, the one mouse that you saw. There aren't any more. Nope. Nothing to see here. Move along. :-)

    1. Haha hey 1st Man--you know what made it worse? My sister telling me it could be RATS and not mice. Seriously--I may have to move! And there have been 2 conformed sitings today. Sam-sam STILL has NOT caught them/ it....ugh!

    2. Umm, there is a show on Animal Planet called "INFESTED!"...I'd avoid any reruns of that for awhile...

    3. Oh HELL NO! Gahhhhhh! I swear I will never sleep again! lol

  3. Ha ha! Vermin definitely stink. Stink. Trying to get rid of them stinks. I love this post...maybe because I don't have mice right now (insert evil grin)

    1. Hi Janel-- I see how supportive you are-haha! Well the cats have been earning they're keep and the traps are helping. Plus we (and I mean the royal We--as in my hubbs) has been filling in gaps with expandable foam as he finds them. Damn vermin!


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